


Saint Egbert

by TackyTulip



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmasstuck, Complete poetic nonsense, Condense bashing, Derping to the extreme, Hoof-beast sandwiches, MSPA Secret Santa, Other, Parody, Poemstuck, Shipping wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-21
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 21:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TackyTulip/pseuds/TackyTulip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poemstuck. Christmas is tricky, and hopefully Saint Egbert can make a difference! Secret-Santa present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saint Egbert

The twinkling golds and the shining blues,  
'Twas a sight to behold all those brilliant hues.  
Earthy greens and rusty reds,  
But let's disregard those decapitated heads.

Instead we turn our sights to the beautiful eve,  
Of a holiday like no troll has ever seen.  
No arguments yet to be heard of,  
Saint Egbert had a trick up his bedazzled glove.

A silly toy here, and a funky little toy there.  
A mechanical doll in a stocking with a tiny stuffed bear.  
A pie on a spring and a faygo ready to pop.  
When the laughter began, it was sure to never stop.

With his job done, Saint Egbert gave a grin,  
A cackle and a pop, gone with a tap of his chin.  
And so the room was quiet, ready to be seen,  
By a group of sleeping, unsuspecting teens.

Claps and cries as blurs flew down the stairs,  
Ready for the presents that would soon be theirs.  
Screams and tearing an auspistice would soon be needed,  
Between the gifts for which they all competed.

And soon the room exploded, for batterwitch had come,  
Seeking to strife with her alternate-universe mum.

They banded together, the canon and fans,  
The lovers of yaoi-hands.  
The strong and the weak, the smut rp-ers,  
The video game nerds here to face their fears.  
The husses, the anons, the rappers, the hipsters, the haters.  
And a bunch of other characters who have no relative effect on the plot but were there as small supporting roles that only end up getting them killed in the end like idiots and their bodies get stomped on cause they're DEAD.

The battle was violent, gruesome and deadly,  
Bodies flying everywhere like colorful confetti.  
And all the time, Gamzee lay to the side,  
Belly filled with slime, to mellow to fight.

By the end of the day, the Condense vanquished,  
A bit of a break was needed, perhaps a hoof-beast sandwich?  
All the ships had set sail, from the port they departed,  
Off to continue the chaos they had already started.

And on that day of Christmas,  
The Homestuck fandom had won.  
And Saint Egbert had no clue,  
What the motherfuck was going on.

So with a glorious HoNk,  
And a special pie.  
I wish you a Merry Christmas,  
You'll be having nightmares tonight!


End file.
